Here’s another common thing showing up in my coaching conversations at the moment.
Across different clients, different organisations, different challenges. But the same thing underneath all of it.
It’s not what they’re dealing with that’s creating the tension.
It’s the story they’re telling themselves about what they’re dealing with.
Assumptions about their own capability. About what a colleague wants. About what a senior leader will or won’t be open to.
And most of the pressure they’re feeling is coming from that. Not from reality. From interpretation.
We all do it. I do it.
It’s not a flaw, it’s just how we’re wired.
We fill in the blanks when we don’t have the full picture.
When we surface those assumptions in the conversation and ask “how do you know that’s true?” more often than not, we don’t.
And the moment the assumption gets challenged, something shifts. The problem softens. Sometimes it disappears altogether.
I caught myself in the same trap last week.
A client I’ve worked with for years recommitted to a piece of work. Then an internal change meant the approval now needed to come from a different level in the organisation.
Same work. Same value. Different decision-maker.
Before I’d even taken a breath, I was filling in the blanks.
Assuming what it might mean. Assuming what might happen next.
The familiar ah here we go before anything has actually gone wrong.
When I stepped back and asked what I actually knew to be true, the answer was simple.
There’s a process to go through. And I’ve an internal ‘champion’ fighting the good fight for me.
A conversation to be had. A decision that hasn’t been made yet.
That’s it.
Deal in ‘what is’, not ‘what if’.
We tend to overestimate how well we understand what others think and underestimate the value of just asking. Don’t you think?
In doing so, we create interference and noise.
It’s about being willing to catch yourself mid-assumption and ask whether the story you’re telling yourself is actually true.
What are you assuming right now?
About yourself. About someone else. About a situation you haven’t actually tested yet.
And what conversation are you avoiding that might bring some clarity?