This morning, I felt disappointed.
Not by work. Not by a deadline. But by one of my kids.
Before we left Dublin, we explained that we’d need them to occupy themselves a bit while we worked. That they wouldn’t be on screens all the time. We offered suggestions like books, puzzles, games, sketch pads. The usual stuff. But they packed light on that front.
Before I headed out for a run, a question came:
“Can we watch a movie?”
“NO!” I snapped.
A moan. A flop. A frustrated “It’s not FAIR.”
I was annoyed then.
That response didn’t feel fair to me. In my head, the “after all I’ve done for you” type dialogue was playing very loud.
They were in victim mode.
And then, so was I.
I judged. I reacted. I stewed.
I left for my run, but I wasn’t present.
I was stuck in a Fixed Mindset loop. Blame. Judgement. Frustration.
So I paused.
“What do I need for me on this run?”
The answer was simple. I needed to stop reacting. To stop judging. To stop holding onto the victim state.
I turned to a trusted voice. Ram Dass on Spotify.
His words, his cadence, the beats… they calmed me.
As I ran along the river, something shifted. It was like a moving meditation. Exactly what I needed.
I came back to presence.
It was kind of weird, in a good way. Like he was speaking to me directly.
When I got back, the kids had played well together for the previous hour. Ciara had said they were good to watch a movie by the time I came in.
But their togs and clothes were flung about the place, of course. I felt the judgement rising in me again. But this time, I caught it.
I asked them to pause the film, tidy up, and give me 15 minutes before we headed out to give Ciara space for a call.
Still on a privileged working holiday. Still with all my experience and my stated intentions before the holiday (shared with you before I left).
And yet, I had slipped into a Fixed Mindset. Played the victim. Reacted.
We all do. I nearly did again, even as I returned from the run in my Ram Das induced zen state.
And that’s the point. It’s inevitable.
The key is not perfection. It’s awareness.
I caught it. I reset. I responded better.
We then had a lovely hour together. Laughed. Teased. Connected.
And at the right moment, I shared what I found hard earlier.
And you know what? The child in question took ownership.
So did their sibling.
There was no judgement in the air anymore, so there was space to learn.
As a coach, I hear stories like this all the time.
From people like you, Amy.
Leaders in business. Parents. Humans.
You feel let down. Frustrated. Misunderstood.
And you react from that place.
But here’s the thing.
You can’t teach when you can’t reach.
And when you’re in judgement, you’re not reaching anyone. Not even yourself.
So what if you let go?
What if, instead of reacting, you asked:
“What do I need for me right now?”
“What state do I want to be in when I respond?”
It doesn’t mean you let things slide.
It just means you lead yourself first.
And that’s far more sustainable.
Take a moment.
Think of a recent situation, at home or at work, where your frustration made things worse.
Mentally replay it.
Now rehearse a different response.
One where you’re calm. Clear. Near your best.
What becomes possible then?