Pick an important relationship that has felt some tension recently.
Your partner/spouse, perhaps a close colleague/boss, someone who reports to you or even a friend in need.
Got the person in mind? Great. Read on.
Funny the way certain similar concepts arise in multiple coaching conversations over a short period of time.
And no, it’s not me bringing up the same concept repeatedly. That would demystify things quickly, wouldn’t it?!
Recently, this concept or subject has been the Drama Triangle.
The Drama Triangle was first described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s. It’s a model of relationship dynamics which illustrates a power game that involves 3 key roles;
- Victim
- Rescuer, or Hero
- Persecutor, or Villain
Most of us mere mortals here on earth spend most of our time in one of these three roles in work and life.
If you’re not familiar with the Drama Triangle, it will explain SO MUCH that frustrates you in your interactions with your partner, friend, sibling, child, parent, boss, direct report and/or client.
Watch this brief animated video.
he way to break the Drama Triangle is to be more conscious in your role and communication.
If you’re aware and present in the conversations that you’re showing up in, you can coach instead of rescue. You can challenge instead of persecute.
None of us like to be the ‘victim’.
Who wants to be ‘at the effect of’ anything or anyone? I don’t want to be powerless, do you?
No, you and I want to take responsibility for our lives and our work. We want to be the Creators of our future.
Makes sense, right?
So why wouldn’t it make sense for those you and I work with and live with too?
What stops us being Coach or Challenger with them? Why do we seek to rescue or persecute so often, when we don’t want to be rescued or persecuted ourselves?
It’s hard to see the picture when you’re in the frame. So, hold a mirror up to yourself.
Awareness is the first step. Presence is the rest.
Back to the person you had in mind at the start. Still relevant?
- Commit to changing your role.
- How will you do it?
- Who will hold you accountable?
Maybe having a chat about the Drama Triangle or the relationship dynamic would help. Maybe that would be too much. Whatever you choose, the more conscious you are with that choice, the stronger the relationship will be.
Let me know how you get on. Then try it again with someone else.
You’ll be delighted with yourself, I promise!